I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
