y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
