sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
