Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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