Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
