he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
