babies were throwing up all over the place
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
