I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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