I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
