The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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