All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
