Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
