Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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