sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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