I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We need a shit load of segways right now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
