I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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