Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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