i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
