Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
