i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is my gift to your gina
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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