Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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