i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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