I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
