and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
