i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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