So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
