it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
