i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
