my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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