Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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