.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
