u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
