I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Mom said you looked used
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
