we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
