Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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