this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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