I wish I could teleport
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
