I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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