i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
