You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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