i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
