Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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