I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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