grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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