I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
