i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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