I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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