I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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