ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
this hospital has no fireball
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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