dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want nice things and good sex
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize