You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
