but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
