Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
