Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
