Ketchup is God's man juice
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
