By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
