the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
