i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize