Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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