WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
