I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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