i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
