According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
