he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
