I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
