Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
