I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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