Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
