I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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