What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
