I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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