So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
