So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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