you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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