i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize