I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
