I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
