Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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