They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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