You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
