My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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