I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize