i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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