I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
