on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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