She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
