just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
