I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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