how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
