Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
