The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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