I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
