I cockslap morals
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
