ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
