I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
