Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
