I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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