Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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