i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
