i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
