Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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