You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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