I'm so fucking centered right now
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
