did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
