you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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