I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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