Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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