Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
